People come to me all the time for relationship advice. I’m not a relationship expert but I have learned a lot from past relationships that helped me have the type of relationship I have now. When I first started dating a long time ago I didn’t realize the importance of picking the right person. Dating as a teen and dating as an adult is totally different not saying you have to lower your standards because you’re a teenager. I'm just saying that as a teenager you're not looking for a soul mate. When dating as a teenager you don’t have to worry about finding a man that has a great job and is working toward establishing himself in a good career. When you’re dating as an adult you have to make sure a man has these qualities and more. Whoever you choose to date as a teenager and an adult make sure to find someone that respects you and treats you like you should be treated. When people ask me for dating advice I always tell them to date someone who is a potential candidate for marriage. I know not everyone is looking to get married soon but when you date someone you need to be with someone that you can see yourself with long term. I always thought of myself as being mature but I always struggled in the relationship part. I didn’t always date the right people and I thought that I could change some of the people I dated. You can’t change people unless they want to be changed. If I would dated like this in my past relationships then I would have dodged a lot of bullets. Though I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, I don’t regret my past relationships, they made me stronger, wiser, and mature. So, what does it mean to date someone who is a potential life partner? I know in the world we live in it’s hard to find someone that’s a potential spouse because there a lot of people that have been hurt not only by their boyfriend or girlfriend but they have been hurt by parents, siblings, and family members, which caused them to be so closed off when it comes to getting close to someone. Everyone wants love but no one wants to be hurt. The only bad thing about people being so closed off is that they might miss out on someone who really wants to love them. I talk to people not just women but men also and what I have learned about men is that a lot of them have been let down by the ones they love and they still have a good heart but they tend to turn it off because they are internally afraid and they try to numb the pain by hurting whoever they are dating to comfort the pain that they hid inside. Though they have been hurt that’s not a excuse to do someone wrong but that’s how life works sometime. Life can be a game of pay back, hurt someone before they hurt you. I learned that this doesn’t work. In relationships you have to give your all and take chances and if it doesn’t workout then at least you can walk away with no regrets. How do you know if you’re not going to get hurt? You don’t know. How do you know if you can trust this person? You don’t know. How do you know if it’s going to last? You don’t know. I use to ask myself these same questions but I had to realize that I have to take my relationship day by day. I couldn’t worry about these things because they weren’t allowing me to be focus on my relationship. Life is about taking chances and sometimes the risk is worth the reward.
What qualities should you look for when dating?
Someone that respects you. When you respect yourself you will know what you will and will not take in a relationship. Respect in a relationship is when someone values your opinions even if you don’t agree. Respect is also trying things with your significant other even if you might not like it. You have to be willing to try it because they enjoy it. I’m not saying do anything that you feel like will put your life in danger but trying a new restaurant or going to see a movie with someone you love even if you might not like it. You do it out of respect for their feelings.
Someone that you connects with mentally. Anyone can find someone that they are physically attracted to but it’s hard to find someone who you are mentally attracted to. Beauty fades but a strong connection is a mental connection. I use to wonder if I would ever run out of things to talk about with my husband but our mental connection gets stronger each day.
Someone who has goals. I think goals are important because they keep you motivated. Goals help direct me through my life because they remind me of why I wake up each day. I set personal improvements goals, financial goals, marriage goals, career goals, and parental goals.
Someone who is stable. A person that can keep a job and a place to live consistently are more than likely to stay in a committed relationship.
Someone who will protect you. I’m not saying find a guy that has muscles but find someone who will protect your heart. They value you so much that they won’t hurt you or allow anyone else to hurt you.
These are some of the things to look for in a potential spouse but you have to decide what you are willing to take in a relationship. You can ask for advice but you have to make the decisions based upon your own good judgement, your experiences, and your heart. Whatever happens remember don’t give up on love. “
One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else. -unknown