It's Okay to Say No

Why do we feel so bad when we tell others no? It’s not embedded in us to say yes all the time. So why does it feel so bad when we say no? I use to commit myself to everything. I would often find myself tired and upset from committing to things when I wanted to say no. Why do we feel that its our obligation to do something for someone else? Sometimes we try to prove to others that we are a good person by doing things for them. Which isn't right in the first place. People who love us should know our heart and not the things we do for them. We are not obligated to do anything for nobody. Doing things for people doesn’t make us a good person. Treating people with respect does. I knew this but I still didn't feel good enough to tell someone no. When we do tell someone no we often make up an excuse to why we can't do something. I was watching a comedy by Quinta B titled "if we were honest." Quinta friends were having a party and they wanted her to come and she said “no she couldn't come.” Her friends made up excuses to why she couldn't come and she would respond and say "no I just don't want to go." The whole video was basically explaining how we can’t be honest with people so we often have to make excuses so we won't look like a bad person. The video was funny but honest at the same time. People can’t accept honesty so we are often forced to tell a lie so we won’t hurt someone feelings.

I can recall explaining the reasons why I couldn't do something for someone or why I had to decline an invite. I didn't want to go, but I felt like if I gave an excuse, then I wouldn’t look like a bad person. There are times when I wanted to commit to things but I couldn't because I was too busy. Then there were times when I just didn't want to commit to something for my own personal reasons and I still ended up doing it. When I watched Shonda Rhimes and Oprah on Super Soul Sunday they explained how its okay to say no. Shonda Rhimes says "im sorry but im not able to do that.” This is what she says when she can't do something for someone. It is hard and she struggled with telling people no. She explained how she loss some friends in the process. I was amazed at how someone could stop being friends with someone based on what they committed to do for them. I am not saying don't support your friends. I am saying that if you don't want to do something you have a right to tell someone no.

Saying no doesn't make you a bad person. Committing to things that you don't want to doesn't make you a good person either. We are always trying to please others and we are often left feeling bad for committing to things we never wanted to in the first place. Then we end up regretting it. When I started saying no I faced a lot of back lash from people but it didn't bother me. I knew that I was not define by how many things I did for others. We are all in charge of our happiness. It is not our duty to make people happy all the time. Trust me it can be draining trying make sure everyone is okay. Trying to make sure everyone else is happy eventually leaves us neglecting our own well being. When I was trying so hard to make everyone happy I lose myself in the process. I have learned to say no and say yes to things on my on terms. It is hard to tell people no especially when they were use to us saying yes. So remember today its okay to say no and saying no doesn't make you a bad person. You might lose some people in your life for saying no but if someone truly loves you they wouldn't count how times you didn't do something for them.

"Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how to use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and will not accept."

-Anna Taylor

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