Are You Someone's Crutch?

I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

I have discussion with people all the time about various things. One of the topics I recently discussed with a good friend of mine is bailing people out all the time. One of his brothers is constantly losing jobs and resorting to living at home. He told me that if he doesn't help him no one will. His brother is constantly having financial problems and he and a few others in his family always bail him out. It's okay if you chose to help family, friends, and individuals. I am all for charity and helping people when they are faced with hardship. I have bailed people out of many situations but what I have found is that I was not helping them I was only putting a band aid on their situation.

When someone is constantly struggling financially people often offer money to fund the issue or invite the person to stay with them until they get financially stable. This doesn't help the person in the long run. Though this makes the situation better this is only a temporary fix. When I was struggling, I didn't really have anyone I could turn to. I had to just adapt and adjust on my own. Which I believe is the best form of learning. We as humans were made to survive when you are not forced to survive then when situations happen, we are unable to get through them. We were created with the ability to adapt. When we are forced to push through something, we give our all because we know that we do not have anything to fall back on.

If you wake up each day with the mindset that you only have yourself to survive then you would work harder each day. I believe sometimes we get lazy when we have options. Saying things like “if this doesn’t work out at least I know my mom will let me stay with her.” No this is not the attitude you need to have. In life it’s do or die. It’s all about survival. The saying if you don’t work you don’t eat is true. You can’t expect to not work and still be fed. That’s why I believe it’s okay to say no. The best way to help a love one that is struggling financially is by educating them on their finances, so they won’t have to depend on you. I want all my love ones to be successful and I feel like I am doing more harm than good by just giving them a temporary fix. Some may get upset with you when you say no but I promise you they will thank you later. When someone is forced to do things on their own this is when they will perform their best.

My friend's brother is in his late thirties and I know he doesn't want to live at home his whole life. He is the only one in the family that doesn’t have his life together. Everyone has houses, cars, businesses, etc., but he is living at home with them. This to me doesn’t make sense. If we want to help each other that involves elevating each other. Talking to the person to see what’s the actual issue so they can create a better life for themselves. When I was struggling, I knew that with my income I was making it was going to be hard to survive financially so I eventually found another job after buying a car. I knew I wanted to own a house one day and that took saving money and making a certain amount of money to be approve for a house that I wanted. I read books, listen to wise people, people who struggled and made it through with no help. These were what help me not money. Yes, money does play a part in surviving but if you don’t know how to manage your money you will always be broke.

I know it may be hard to say no, but I realized when I said no the person asked someone else for help or had to figure it out on their own and they still got it done. My friend asked me would I do my children the same way when they got older? I said most likely. I know for sure if I can do it anybody can do it. If you help someone one time that’s fine but you become their crutch when they are constantly bailing them out all year due to their poor life decisions. I do support people that face hardships because that is something you can’t plan for but everyday struggles are something we have to learn to fit on our own. Learning is powerful. Learning from your mistakes is part of growing so I give out advice freely because I believe this is more valuable than money.

If you are someone crutch, then I want you to approach the situation differently. You are not helping someone if you don’t stop them from depending on you. We don’t love our love ones if we allow them to keep depending on us. In life we were made to live out our full potential and they can’t live out their full potential if you still are holding on to their hand. I decided years ago I didn’t want to disable my family members anymore. I finally did what I didn’t think was possible. I said no and they are doing fine. I offer advice and give suggestions, but my money stays in my bank account.

If you are struggling, can't keep a job, constantly in and out of a friend or family member house, please message me I am here to help. Sign up for my life coaching class. I will coach you and help you, motivate you, and guide you towards your life purpose. Sometimes in life we don’t always see what’s going on in our life. It takes someone else looking from the outside to help us figure it out. So, remember today its okay to help but do not become someone’s crutch. Don’t offer temporary fixes. When we offer temporary fixes, we are doing more harm.

“If you always have a crutch, you don't learn anything.” - Ben Savage

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