“Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life you will never be able to grow into your fullest potential. Let them go so you can grow.” – DLQ
I fell in love with Ariana Grande song Thank You, Next. I often play it on repeat because though it’s a pop song it has meaning. When I listen to songs, I always pay attention to the words. I like trying to find meaning behind the music to understand what the artist was trying to communicate to their audience. Thank You, Next is a song that talks about how she is thankful for her ex-boyfriends because though the relationship didn't work out each one taught her something and she is thankful for the lesson she learned.
When you are in a toxic relationship or a relationship doesn't work out at the time all you can feel is the pain of the relationship ending. You don't always see the lessons that you learned from the relationship until you heal from it. I recently talk to a friend of mind about their toxic relationship. They are dating someone who is insecure and doesn't trust them. They can't be themselves and enjoy the things they like to do because their mate doesn't want to get out the house. They are constantly walking on egg shells in the relationship, metaphorically speaking, afraid they might say or do something to onset the insecurity.
I remember being in a relationship like this and at the time I didn't realize how toxic it was until years after we broke up. I lost myself trying to make sure my ex-boyfriend was happy and no matter what I did he still was never happy in our relationship. When you are in a toxic relationship it’s hard to notice it. No one wants to admit they are dating a toxic person. A toxic person is just a negative, energy draining, sometimes verbally and physically abusive person. Toxic relationships ruin our souls. It took me years to get over my toxic relationship not because I haven't forgiven the person. I forgave the person but now I had to figure out how to move on to a relationship without carrying my baggage into the next one. I had to rewire my mind back to the way of positive thinking and not thinking every person I dated was going to be like my ex-boyfriend.
The longer you stay in a toxic relationship the longer it takes your body to heal. We might think we gotten over someone, but it takes time to get over toxic relationships. Sometimes it takes counseling. What helped me is being alone and taking a break from relationships. I had been dating since I was probably 15 years old and though teenage relationships are not the same as adult relationships you still lose yourself in those relationships as well. I was insecure mainly because I didn't like myself so being in a relationship, I used to lose myself through them. I didn't think for myself. I did what they enjoy. I forgot about all the things I loved to focus on them. Most people who are insecure or don't love themselves easily lose themselves in relationships. If you love yourself and have self-confidence, then it will be hard for someone to take advantage of you.
Since I was young and naïve, I didn't realize that I was losing myself to another person. I don't blame anyone from what I lost because I gained a lot from each relationship. Each one taught me what I didn't want in a future husband. My friend has been in their toxic relationship for over five years and when you been with a person that long most likely love is involved. My friend doesn't want to hurt the person feelings and leave because now they have children, but the person will not go to counseling with my friend. My friend also can't discuss openly their feelings because their mate gets mad if they express a disappointment or anything they need to work on in the relationship. I know this is hard when you in a relationship but if you are unhappy everyday dating someone and no matter how much you love them it might be hard, but you must let go of toxic relationships.
I don't know why the saying "love is hard" exists because it isn't hard. It shouldn't be difficult loving someone. Yes, we all have flaws but if you cannot be yourself with someone then that is not a relationship you need to stay in. At some point in life someone has let all of us down and walking away from someone may hurt but everyone eventually heals from relationships, disappointments, and various things that happens in life. It isn't instant but it is possible to heal a broken heart. Your happiness matters and though happiness isn't based off circumstance toxic relationships are soul draining. They suck the life out of you and leave you empty, and you are left trying to fill yourself back up again and that my friend is not the way you want to live your life in any relationship.
Toxic relationship isn't always a spouse. It’s a friend, family member, your environment, anything you are exposed to can be toxic. If you are constantly drained after being exposed to something or someone then it is toxic. That's why there are warning labels on chemicals saying do not eat, do not let the product be exposed to extreme temperatures. These are warning labels. People also come with warning labels but sometimes our niceness interferes which causes us to not be able to think clearly. That's why we stay in relationships longer than we intend and we don't realize how bad the situation is until we are out of it.
Today I want you to start loving yourself and that starts with getting rid of toxic people in your life. Our mental health and well-belling are important and though it might not seem like we are affected by our relationships and environment we are. If you place someone in a negative environment even the nicest person will be ruin but if you place a negative person in a positive environment, they have no choice but to be nice because they will be constantly exposed to it every day. When you are constantly exposed to toxic relationships and environments it does more harm to you then good and when you walk away you will the one left to piece yourself back together again.
Whatever is causing you pain I want to ask you to walk away from it. If you are in a toxic environment, you don't have to. There are options. We have a choice each day. No one is in control of our lives. I do believe that we were meant to experience certain things in life but after it is over, we must take what we learn and be thankful for the experience even if it was bad. Take the bad and make it positive. Everything we go through has a lesson attached to it you just must dig down to figure out what it is.
“Toxic people spread their toxin to you and then you, in turn, become a wasteland like they are.”
– Body Focus