Changing can be a difficult task for most people but if we want to have a better life it takes deciding to change. I have been on this self-development journey since 2010. That year I had ended a horrible relationship and I was honesty hurt so bad that I was afraid to date again. I felt like every man I dated was going to be the same as my ex-boyfriend so I content with being single for the rest of my life.
Now of course I didn't stay single because I wouldn't be married now, but I was horrible at dating and the frustration of picking the same type of men lead me to believe that all men were the same. Well this is far from true but at the time that was my perception. They were players, thugs, wanna be rappers, and didn't really have anything going for themselves. Most of them were unhappy hence why they treated me like they did, and some were insecure, hence why they were jealous.
At the time I didn't realize why I was attracting the same type of men but as I have grown older and wiser I realized it was because I too was the same. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn't confident. I was hiding a lot of my insecurities, that's why I was always cleaving to the men that I dated, in a way to cover up the real root cause. I wasn't truly happy. I was lost and barely surviving. That's when I decided to start the journey of finding myself.
I knew that if I wanted more I had to first stop dating. I knew I sucked at it and if I wanted to be better at it I had to start looking at the problem. The problem was me. Yes, I know they were not so good either but I chose to be in those relationships. I chose it, accepted it, and took less than I deserve. I don't blame anyone for my choices because that doesn't solve my problems.
I spent some time growing myself. I went to church more, volunteered, spent more time with my two young children, and had mini dates with myself. I needed to love myself before I could love anyone else. Another reason why my relationships weren't working is because I wasn't honest with myself. Relationship after relationship, I crashed.
In order for anyone to change their life, they must decide to be honest with themselves. Lately I have been reading more books. My current reading is "Can't Hurt Me" a book by David Goggins. The book is about his life. In the audible version he freestyles with challenges and discussions. The most recent challenge from the book is the accountability mirror. He realized that he needed to change his life in high school but he had to be honest with himself. He looked in the mirror and let himself have it. He goes in details what he says to himself and after that day he started to change his life. He put sticky notes on the mirror and he didn't reward himself until he completed every sticky note for the day.
Though I didn't do this type of approach I also modeled the same behavior. I knew I wanted change in my dating life and every other part of my life when I started my journey to becoming a better version of myself. I had to be real and honest and this is the only way I could change my life. I had to look in the mirror and be real and raw, and not hold anything back. I made a list and stuck to it. I didn't reward myself with hanging with friend and family until I completed the tasks for the day.
Yes, this may sound hard to do, and it will be, but aren't we all worth it? The goals and the dreams that we have for our life, isn't that important. If we don't like our circumstances, relationships, or whatever we may be dealing with, we have the power to change it but it takes being real with why we are not there yet because that's the only way we can spark change in our lives. If we continue to lie to ourselves we only continue to suffer. This creates patterns and leaves us even more damaged.
Changing isn't easy, our brain doesn't like adjusting to new behaviors. Our brain likes to keep the same routine because its easy. That why they say it takes 21 days to form a habit, but the truth is it takes longer than that. Repetition, consistency, drive, these are going to help propel us to keep moving when we don't feel motivated. We were made to live a great life. A life we would enjoy and settling will only leave us with regrets.
How to Change?
Be honest with yourself about your life: Dislikes, likes, and short comings
Make a choice to change: Decide to change no matter what obstacles may block you
Get rid of distractions: Family, friends, Social Media. If you have a family or friends be honest with them about your plans and tell them you can't hang out as much as you want to because of the commitments you are making to accomplish your goal.
Create a Plan: Outline your plan and the steps required to achieve that plan and don't deviate from it.
Get to work: Devote time to your goal. Spend one hour or more a day working on a step at a time. At the end of the week that's seven hours. Imagine how closer you be to changing your life.
If you want your life to change, its possible, but it isn't going to be a comfortable journey. Its going to take getting uncomfortable but I promise it is worth it.
To purchase the book I mentioned you can use my affiliate link by clicking here to purchase
For the audible version click here